I felt off in the theater
with the pre-trailer junk
tinny, half-power speakers
playing with my hearing.
I felt lost.
I remembered two years ago
when I was genuinely losing it
my ears turning against me,
not just a bad Bose job.
I felt the fear again,
of being caged in my mind,
unable to be a part of
the rest of the world.
How long did I have until I didn’t have anything?
And after many doctors, we found the problem.
Now I “manage” it, the sounds always with me.
I worry about damage, and the future of ears.
And I felt that again, today, in the theater.
The ears triggered a greater claustrophobia
A world held deep inside, a word kept quiet
How long till I don’t have anything?
How long till the grace runs out?
How long till both sides of the double bed are full?
but a world to live in quelled these fears.
And in the Avengers’ world, they choose,
and things happen. I’d like to live there.
Be an agent of my own life, making choices.
The right choices, fighting evil.
And in my own small way, I fight evil today
resisting those walls that want to cave
pushing back on the creeping dread
preaching the Gospel to myself
trusting someday questions will be answered.
Until then I will praise that life unfolds
and I don’t have to make it happen;
even if the Lord takes my ears,
there is a greater glory for him
in my deaf fears defeated in his name.
I left the theater calm,
and thrilled about life.
I can hear, I can breathe
I can trust, I can be.
Praise Him from whom
all blessings flow.