Jealousy

Most of the time I give of myself
for nothing in return;
this is my act of worship,
service as unto the Lord,
using what I can do
for those who can’t.
It would be selfish to keep it in,
so I let it out.
And most days I am happy to do so.

And then today.
Today I’d rather be the one doing
than the one facilitating.
I’d like to see my work benefit me.
I’d like to be beloved for what I do
because I’m awesome,
not because I allow other people to be awesome.
And there’s a clear hierarchy of how that works:
those who serve will end up above those who don’t.
Not that those I serve don’t serve as well.
But today I’d like to see a bit of the future
in the present
and that jealousy
that jealousy